I attempted to write this entry right after witnessing a true example of the demise of our society. However, after carefully crafting my account in image-inducing detail, the computer decided to send my words off into the universe - never to be seen again. Perhaps that's a sign that the first attempt actually sucked and everyone was done a service when the blog mysteriously disappeared. That was three days ago...so while the following story may be a bit cloudy on details, the message remains clear: Idiocracy surrounds us...especially at certain local superstores.
After a long day of enduring typical Monday antics, I decided to brave our local grocery store from hell and pick up a few things we forgot on our weekend trip. Let's just say, I took one for the team. And in hindsight, we could have survived without the onions and soda that were forgotten.
I rushed through the store with my basket and headed straight to the express self checkout. Knowing my track record with the service there, my expectations were way low. But what came next was truly unexpected.
I saw two young girls approach me from behind, close enough that I could smell their Hello Kitty lipgloss. About 10 feet away, I saw their mother approaching with a cart, shouting at them to wait.
I approached my scanner when I heard the following:
"Did you just cut in front of my f'n daughter? Who does that? You just cut in front of a little girl?"
I turned slightly and saw this woman get in the face of another woman with a baby in her cart.
"She was with YOU. I didn't f'n cut in front of her. Don't make me go ghetto on your ass. I'm from the ghetto girl...and I will kick your ass."
I picked up the pace and couldn't seem to scan my 11 items fast enough.
"You have an f'n baby in your cart and you threaten me? Classy."
"You have three kids with you and YOU'RE threatening me?"
They continued their heated exchange while one of the daughters hid her teary eyes in embarrassment. The baby started to cry and the line behind me grew (scan damn onion, scan!).
The kicker is that they both arrived at a scanner at the same time, right next to each other. They were shouting while scanning. I didn't know whether to be impressed or upset. They were able to multitask while I couldn't manage to get the 'Red Onion' button to work.
"Security to checkout. Security to checkout."
After a good 5 minutes of threats, screams, in-your-face brutality, the superstore staff FINALLY decided to take action. And so did I - I booked it to my car.
As I loaded my car I heard the sirens. Intrigued (as everyone is when a flashing light is involved), I turned to see police cars pull up. I wouldn't doubt it if the women were still yelling at each other. They must have had a lot of groceries, which begs the question: Why were either of them in the express lane in the first place?
I was so happy to get home. My husband and I may not eat caviar or live in a high-rise penthouse, but we do embrace a bit of sophistication. You will never see us go toe-to-toe with another at a grimy grocery store (we may feel like it, but we will never engage).
To all of you impatient superstore patrons...RELAX. No matter how much you fight it, there will always be a wait at the checkout. Ladies, you demonstrated a valiant effort, arguing for your place in trashy superstore world. However, you may have fought a fierce battle...but the war wages on!
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