I like lists. I make lists to go to the grocery store. I have a to-do list at work and a to-do list at home. I have a mental list of people that I absolutely despise (stupid people) and a list of things and people that I love. But, one list, in particular is a staple in the Stoneking house - The If-This-Celebrity-Comes-To-The-House-It's-Okay-For-Them-To-Have-Their-Way-With-Me list.
It's the list of five. The spousal privilege list. The list that I can not argue and, in turn, my husband can not divorce me over.
There are some general rules about the list.
1) People on the list can not be a neighbor, friend, co-worker or relative.
2) People on the list can not be reasonably attainable by person developing list.
3) People on the list must be celebrities in their own right.
4) Not mandatory, but people on the list have a beauty that is unattainable by normal people. (This point can be disputed by significant others but said viewpoint has no bearing on generated list).
I'm not quite sure who is on my husband's list today. Though it seems the people on the list get younger and younger. Or, perhaps, as Matthew McConaughey's character, David Wooderson says in Dazed and Confused, "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."
My husband's list used to be all Ashley Judd with a little Kate Beckinsale thrown in. But, ever since she ripped his heart out (and thoroughly trampled on it) by marrying race car driver Dario Franchitti, 10 years ago...on his birthday.
If I were to guess, here is how my husband's list would be today:
1) Minka Kelly
2) Maria Menounos
3) Kate Beckinsale
4) Megan Fox
5) Jessica Biel or Alba (either will do)
Too bad for my husband, it looks like only one - Maria - is single. Although, some may argue that Megan Fox is available since she married David Green from Beverly Hills 90210 (the ORIGINAL). Good luck honey!
My list? It changes all the time. While everyone is gaga over Brad Pitt..he just doesn't do it for me. He can have Angelina and their baseball team of a clan. Denzel Washington? He made an appearance...but I'm worried that, like all of his acting roles, it would be same old, same old. I need diversity Denzel. Sorry. You may be one of the Sexiest Men alive according to People...you have been knocked off my list.
Colin Ferrel? Nah. New James Bond dude? No thanks. Justin Bieber? ew. and jail bait. What about Johnny Depp? David Wooderson himself (aka: Matthew)? He doesn't use soap. Adrian Grenier from Entourage? Looks like he could be related to Jake Gyllenhall. Someone must have punched both of them in the face.
The question I am always asked by my husband - why not George Clooney? Because I always thought he was overrated. But, as I was getting ready today - which was hard to do with two dogs and a husband in the bathroom - I saw GC on the Today show. Beautiful. In fact, so beautiful that the following conversation transpired:
Husband: Honey, if I could rewind my life, I'd want to come back as George Clooney.
Me: Um, okay. Then we probably wouldn't be married.
Husband: (split second pause) Small price to pay.
I wouldn't want my husband to come back as George Clooney. My husband is perfect (and one the sexiest (normal) men alive) the way he is. But...that being said...GC has officially made it on my list.
1) Ed Burns (that has never nor will ever change)
2) Blair Underwood
3) Patrick Dempsey
4) Matthew Fox (awww...my husband and I have a Fox on our list)
5) George Clooney
There are many that were honorable mentions and they may creep back on the list. Note to Ryan Reynolds - if you wouldn't have married Scarlet Johansen, you would still be in the running.
My husband wants to rewind his life and come back as George Clooney. However, if he does that, he drops from being number one in my life to number five on a hypothetical wish list. Of course, that could still just be a small price to pay.
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