There are many times in a married person's life that he or she has cause to refer to their spouse as possessing dog-like traits. Didn't leave the toilet seat down? Dog. Shops too much? Dog. Doesn't pick up after themselves? Dog. Lying, cheating bastard? Dog.
Your significant other may have certain quirks or imperfections, but hopefully there are good times too. Dinner cooked? Angel. Laundry folded? Hero. Putting up with your crazy, dysfunctional family? Saint. Lifting a curse bestowed upon you by the dog gods? Superhuman.
I just read a story about a man in India who married a true bitch. And while the bride has been branded with the negative connotation, in her defense, the expectations for her are high.
This marriage really takes the biscuit, and it could only happen in India, the land of the Kama Sutra. Of course, you won't find this kind of love story between man and beast in the ancient Indian sex manual.
The groom in question was a 33-year-old Indian farmer named Selvakumar, and he was wed to a female dog named Selvi.
He married his four legged bitch to atone for stoning two other dogs to death and stringing them up in a tree 15 years ago.
He believed the act cursed him and he had been suffering ever since, he told the Hindustan Times.
After he stoned the dogs he said his legs and hands got paralysed, he lost hearing in one ear, and his speech was impaired.
With doctors unable to help him, Selvakumar turned to an astrologer who told him he was cursed by the spirits of the dogs he had killed.
He could undo the curse only if he married a dog and live with it, the soothsayer warned.
Family members chose a stray female dog who was then bathed and clothed for the wedding occasion.
Selvi the bride was brought to the temple by village women and a Hindu priest conducted the ceremony.
The paper showed a picture of Selvakumar sitting next to his canine bride, which was adorned in an orange sari and flower garland.
The paper said the groom and his family then had a feast, while the dog got a bun.
It was reported that Selvi attempted to make a bolt for it -- apparently due to the big crowds -- but she was tracked down and returned to her new 'husband'.
"The dog is only for lifting the curse and after that, he plans to get a real bride," a friend of the groom said.
It was not reported whether or not the curse was actually lifted or whether the happily married couple consumated their marriage. But one thing is for certain...if Selvakumar DOES get married again (that would be an example of hell freezing over) his future spouse has nothing to worry about - he's used to being married to a bitch.
Monica Stoneking
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
It'll Happen...When Hell Freezes Over
There are many questions in life that can be (and usually are) answered with the same snarky response: When hell freezes over.
When am I going to win the lottery? When hell freezes over. When can we get a puppy, mommy? When hell freezes over. When am I going to get a promotion, Mr. Bossman? When hell freezes over.
I remember as a little girl, I had hopes and dreams. I still do, but they have drastically changed. First I wanted to be a ballerina. But, as I began racking up the broken bones and number of times I conked my head on a wall, a table, a countertop...I realized that I would only be a ballerina if hell froze over.
Then I wanted to be an astronaut, or a pilot. My fear of flying be damned. I would make a great space traveler. My mind seemed to always be there anyway. But, as my grades in Calculus, Physics and Statistics grades continued to prove, I would only have a shot at controlling any type of flying machine...if hell froze over.
I never had the typical girly dreams of a white wedding. Never day dreamed about my prince on a white horse. Perhaps that's why I found my knight in shining armour before hell froze over.
I wonder if the people in Iqaluit, Baffin Island (it's in Canada, people...keep up with me) look out their windows and say, today's the day to reach my dream. Hell HAS frozen over. Or maybe they just stick to the Wayne's World mantra, "What I'd really like is to do Wayne's World for a living. It might happen. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt."
Monkey excursions or not, the people of Iqaluit are brave, brave souls...achieving their goals of survival everyday. Good luck trying to get me near the Arctic Circle. You'll achieve that goal when hell freezes over.
Hold up!
Today is colder than the North Pole (so I think...I've never actually been there). We have 10 inches of snow...more expected this week. Washington D.C. is still digging out from a storm 2 weeks ago...and TEXAS even saw snowfall. While there is no comparison to Iqaluit in the United States I believe we have achieved the impossible...
Time to dream boys and girls. Today I'm going to be a ballerina. An astronaut. A lottery winner. Someone with style, grace and no broken bones. Or someone on their way to the Arctic Circle (as promised)...because today, boys and girls...hell HAS frozen over!
When am I going to win the lottery? When hell freezes over. When can we get a puppy, mommy? When hell freezes over. When am I going to get a promotion, Mr. Bossman? When hell freezes over.
I remember as a little girl, I had hopes and dreams. I still do, but they have drastically changed. First I wanted to be a ballerina. But, as I began racking up the broken bones and number of times I conked my head on a wall, a table, a countertop...I realized that I would only be a ballerina if hell froze over.
Then I wanted to be an astronaut, or a pilot. My fear of flying be damned. I would make a great space traveler. My mind seemed to always be there anyway. But, as my grades in Calculus, Physics and Statistics grades continued to prove, I would only have a shot at controlling any type of flying machine...if hell froze over.
I never had the typical girly dreams of a white wedding. Never day dreamed about my prince on a white horse. Perhaps that's why I found my knight in shining armour before hell froze over.
I wonder if the people in Iqaluit, Baffin Island (it's in Canada, people...keep up with me) look out their windows and say, today's the day to reach my dream. Hell HAS frozen over. Or maybe they just stick to the Wayne's World mantra, "What I'd really like is to do Wayne's World for a living. It might happen. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt."
Monkey excursions or not, the people of Iqaluit are brave, brave souls...achieving their goals of survival everyday. Good luck trying to get me near the Arctic Circle. You'll achieve that goal when hell freezes over.
Hold up!
Today is colder than the North Pole (so I think...I've never actually been there). We have 10 inches of snow...more expected this week. Washington D.C. is still digging out from a storm 2 weeks ago...and TEXAS even saw snowfall. While there is no comparison to Iqaluit in the United States I believe we have achieved the impossible...
Time to dream boys and girls. Today I'm going to be a ballerina. An astronaut. A lottery winner. Someone with style, grace and no broken bones. Or someone on their way to the Arctic Circle (as promised)...because today, boys and girls...hell HAS frozen over!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Crouching Tiger...Hidden Bitch
We've all seen it done before, people taking credit for other people's work. Whether it's a simple idea or an entire strategic plan...acting like someone else's intelligence is yours is...wrong!
I'm a team player. I give props where props are due. If one of my employees or co-workers comes up with a bigger and better idea than I do in a brainstorming session? Let their light shine! Help their flower blossom! If they look good, you look good.
To take credit for someone else's idea is one of the most blantant displays of disrespect. But, the problem has always been around and it seems to be growing even more these days.
Perhaps it's a generational thing. You've got the 20-somethings, just graduating, who think they deserve a six-figure salary right out of the gate. You've got the single child who grew up silver spoon-fed who believes society OWES them a title. These individuals are the ones to fear in the workplace.
Hypothetical scenario:
Worker A has been working on a proposal for weeks. All the work is done and it just needs to be finalized by Client A who has been on vacation for a week.
Enter Worker B.
Worker B, who has contributed absolutely nothing to the proposal (creative, research, planning, etc.), takes a look at the almost finished proposal and throws in useless comments.
Worker B then contacts Client A stating that said client should be seeing the proposal come through soon. "On behalf of Company X, thank you for your business. It's been a pleasure working with you."
Though Client A is now confused as to who the real contact for the company is, Client A decides to sign on the dotted line...solidifying a huge deal for Worker A and Worker B's company.
In an email sent out to all staff, Worker B thanked the entire staff for their help in getting Client A on board..."I couldn't have done it without your help."
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Of course Worker B couldn't have done it without help. Worker A did all the work!
I feel Worker A's pain. I bet there are a lot of Worker As out there who would have felt the need to jump through the computer and rip the face off of Worker B while sending a reminder that there is no 'I' in TEAM - insert expletive here.
There are a lot of people who will do just about anything or step on just about anyone to get ahead. But, I take solace in the fact that they must be really unhappy and sad individuals. They must spend a lot of money on alcohol, therapy, calls to mommy and daddy begging for more praise. How lonely and pathetic their lives must be.
These spoiled, only-child syndrome sufferers, rookies in the workforce have a lot learn in the real world. Your co-workers will only put up with your crap for so long before they stand on top of a bell tower and try to take you out.
But until then, enjoy the motto you seemed to have adopted from an early age:
On the ladder of life, it's better to be the foot stepping up than the rung stepped on.
I'm a team player. I give props where props are due. If one of my employees or co-workers comes up with a bigger and better idea than I do in a brainstorming session? Let their light shine! Help their flower blossom! If they look good, you look good.
To take credit for someone else's idea is one of the most blantant displays of disrespect. But, the problem has always been around and it seems to be growing even more these days.
Perhaps it's a generational thing. You've got the 20-somethings, just graduating, who think they deserve a six-figure salary right out of the gate. You've got the single child who grew up silver spoon-fed who believes society OWES them a title. These individuals are the ones to fear in the workplace.
Hypothetical scenario:
Worker A has been working on a proposal for weeks. All the work is done and it just needs to be finalized by Client A who has been on vacation for a week.
Enter Worker B.
Worker B, who has contributed absolutely nothing to the proposal (creative, research, planning, etc.), takes a look at the almost finished proposal and throws in useless comments.
Worker B then contacts Client A stating that said client should be seeing the proposal come through soon. "On behalf of Company X, thank you for your business. It's been a pleasure working with you."
Though Client A is now confused as to who the real contact for the company is, Client A decides to sign on the dotted line...solidifying a huge deal for Worker A and Worker B's company.
In an email sent out to all staff, Worker B thanked the entire staff for their help in getting Client A on board..."I couldn't have done it without your help."
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Of course Worker B couldn't have done it without help. Worker A did all the work!
I feel Worker A's pain. I bet there are a lot of Worker As out there who would have felt the need to jump through the computer and rip the face off of Worker B while sending a reminder that there is no 'I' in TEAM - insert expletive here.
There are a lot of people who will do just about anything or step on just about anyone to get ahead. But, I take solace in the fact that they must be really unhappy and sad individuals. They must spend a lot of money on alcohol, therapy, calls to mommy and daddy begging for more praise. How lonely and pathetic their lives must be.
These spoiled, only-child syndrome sufferers, rookies in the workforce have a lot learn in the real world. Your co-workers will only put up with your crap for so long before they stand on top of a bell tower and try to take you out.
But until then, enjoy the motto you seemed to have adopted from an early age:
On the ladder of life, it's better to be the foot stepping up than the rung stepped on.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Congratulations! It's a....Disappointment?
It's an exciting time. Time to decorate the nursery. To buy cigars (of the candy variety). To announce to the world that a new baby is on the way.
But, before you pick the color of paint, buy the blue cigars or determine a name for your new addition...you may want to have a backup plan...In case your 'Patrick' turns out to be a 'Patricia'.
I was in the doctor's office the other day and as I pretended to be interested in a magazine from Spring 2006, I 'accidentally' overheard a family's discussion as they too, waited for the doctor.
The young (very young) couple was obviously expecting a baby and they were there to find out the sex. It looked like grandma and grandpa were there too (a true family affair). The nurse called the girl back - boyfriend and grandma went with her. About 20 minutes later - I was still enjoying the outdated magazine article - the boyfriend and grandma came back out.
"It's a girl" the boyfriend stated in less than happy tone.
Grandma and grandpa tried to console him.
"Well, maybe you could call her 'Joshette'?"
"I'm sure you can still coach the girls basketball team."
When the girlfriend came out, she showed the picture of the ultrasound to her parents...and her significant other.
"Look, she looks just like you."
"We can teach her to fish, play ball, race cars..." (grow a penis? I wanted to chime in.)
When they left, the boyfriend took the picture of the ultrasound and folded it enough times to fit in his pocket, creasing his daughter's first image. I imagine there will be many more image destroyers in the future.
Apparently 'proud' papa had his heart set on a little boy. Someone he could teach all of his loving ways to. But, now (the horror of it all) he has to settle for a girl.
So let's learn a lesson from Josh Sr.: Before confirming a name, the room color and what sports your child will fail miserably at when they get older...confirm the sex. Growing up a 'Joshette' is NOT the same as being a 'Rockette'.
But, before you pick the color of paint, buy the blue cigars or determine a name for your new addition...you may want to have a backup plan...In case your 'Patrick' turns out to be a 'Patricia'.
I was in the doctor's office the other day and as I pretended to be interested in a magazine from Spring 2006, I 'accidentally' overheard a family's discussion as they too, waited for the doctor.
The young (very young) couple was obviously expecting a baby and they were there to find out the sex. It looked like grandma and grandpa were there too (a true family affair). The nurse called the girl back - boyfriend and grandma went with her. About 20 minutes later - I was still enjoying the outdated magazine article - the boyfriend and grandma came back out.
"It's a girl" the boyfriend stated in less than happy tone.
Grandma and grandpa tried to console him.
"Well, maybe you could call her 'Joshette'?"
"I'm sure you can still coach the girls basketball team."
When the girlfriend came out, she showed the picture of the ultrasound to her parents...and her significant other.
"Look, she looks just like you."
"We can teach her to fish, play ball, race cars..." (grow a penis? I wanted to chime in.)
When they left, the boyfriend took the picture of the ultrasound and folded it enough times to fit in his pocket, creasing his daughter's first image. I imagine there will be many more image destroyers in the future.
Apparently 'proud' papa had his heart set on a little boy. Someone he could teach all of his loving ways to. But, now (the horror of it all) he has to settle for a girl.
So let's learn a lesson from Josh Sr.: Before confirming a name, the room color and what sports your child will fail miserably at when they get older...confirm the sex. Growing up a 'Joshette' is NOT the same as being a 'Rockette'.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
It Ain't No Booty Call
CAUTION: DWIs can be hazardous to your health.
No, I'm not talking about Driving While Intoxicated. Those types of DWIs are hazardous to the drunk person behind the wheel, their passengers and other drivers on the road...even pedestrians at a cross walk. Those DWIs are not funny, should be recorded and the offenders should be punished. There's a simple solution to DWIs that involve driving and alcohol - don't do it.
But there is another type of DWI that is rarely seen and if so, is rarely reported. Dialing While Intoxicated. During college, we called it 'drunk dialing'. Those calls inevitably led to a late-night rendezvous, otherwise known as the 'booty call'. I thought that as we aged, our maturity levels rose. But, I have been proven wrong.
The following scenario was brought to my attention the other day:
Friend A was called by Person B. Person B had been partaking in alcoholic beverages. Friend A told Person B to not call when said person was drunk. Friend A hung up. Person B (being intoxicated) did not clearly understand what Friend A said. Person B texted Friend A - I LOVE YOU.
Friend A ignored Person B. Hours later, Friend A found numerous texts and voicemails from Person B professing love and adoration and suggestions of the college-style booty call. The kicker? Person B is married...not to Friend A.
Person B woke up with more than a hangover the next day...there is written and recorded proof of hopeful discretion to answer to. No amount of aspirin in the world will make that go away.
Perhaps Tiger Woods was drunk when he texted and called his numerous mistresses. Look where that landed him. Sex rehab (allegedly), dropped sponsors, pending divorce. Looks like the booty call will no longer be connected.
Whether it's a DWI, TWI (texting while intoxicated), EWI (emailing while intoxicated) or FWI (facebooking while intoxicated)...it could all end up as TMI (too much information) that you will never, ever be able to take back.
So before utilizing all that communication technology has to offer us...put down the drink. You will have no control over your momentary lapse of brain function. Better to have loved and lost than to profess your undying love to your best friend's wife.
No, I'm not talking about Driving While Intoxicated. Those types of DWIs are hazardous to the drunk person behind the wheel, their passengers and other drivers on the road...even pedestrians at a cross walk. Those DWIs are not funny, should be recorded and the offenders should be punished. There's a simple solution to DWIs that involve driving and alcohol - don't do it.
But there is another type of DWI that is rarely seen and if so, is rarely reported. Dialing While Intoxicated. During college, we called it 'drunk dialing'. Those calls inevitably led to a late-night rendezvous, otherwise known as the 'booty call'. I thought that as we aged, our maturity levels rose. But, I have been proven wrong.
The following scenario was brought to my attention the other day:
Friend A was called by Person B. Person B had been partaking in alcoholic beverages. Friend A told Person B to not call when said person was drunk. Friend A hung up. Person B (being intoxicated) did not clearly understand what Friend A said. Person B texted Friend A - I LOVE YOU.
Friend A ignored Person B. Hours later, Friend A found numerous texts and voicemails from Person B professing love and adoration and suggestions of the college-style booty call. The kicker? Person B is married...not to Friend A.
Person B woke up with more than a hangover the next day...there is written and recorded proof of hopeful discretion to answer to. No amount of aspirin in the world will make that go away.
Perhaps Tiger Woods was drunk when he texted and called his numerous mistresses. Look where that landed him. Sex rehab (allegedly), dropped sponsors, pending divorce. Looks like the booty call will no longer be connected.
Whether it's a DWI, TWI (texting while intoxicated), EWI (emailing while intoxicated) or FWI (facebooking while intoxicated)...it could all end up as TMI (too much information) that you will never, ever be able to take back.
So before utilizing all that communication technology has to offer us...put down the drink. You will have no control over your momentary lapse of brain function. Better to have loved and lost than to profess your undying love to your best friend's wife.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Cloudy With a Chance of...WTF?
The 2010 Academy Award nominations have been announced and some leave me scratching my head. Since I'm a movie addict, I was surprised to see the number I have yet to see (or hear of). But rest assured, I will not be running out to see them just because they have been nominated.
For example, in 2008, a highly-acclaimed film won top notches over other highly-acclaimed films for Best Picture. I will go on the record to say that I did NOT like No Country for Old Men. To me, it dragged on (just like my face everytime Javier Bardem appeared on the screen). At the end, I recall looking at my husband going, really?!?! That's it? This slow-paced saga robbed me of more than 2 hours of my life...and THAT'S the ending? Of course, I didn't like There Will Be Blood either. Daniel Day Lewis? Awesome actor. The movie? Not so awesome. I never saw Atonement and Michael Clayton, while good, was not the best of George Clooney's work.
My opinion...while unsolicited and worth less than a 70 year-old hooker working Spring Break in Daytona Beach...is that Juno should have won. Nobody does deadpan better than Michael Cera - this generation's Bob Newhart. Ellen Page, brilliant protrayal of a knocked-up teenager. Jason Bateman. Well, there's no better reaction and facial expression than when he delivers the following:
"And this is Juno..."
"Oh, like the city in Alaska?" - Bateman
"No."
"No? Okay, shall we sit down and get to know one another?" - Bateman
It's been two years...so, I'm getting over the Academy Award loss.
Let's look at last year.
I actually did watch and love the 2009 winner for Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire. But, the other nominees? Not a big fan. While the book, Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons, was intriguing and the special effects of the movie were above mediocre...I just wanted the movie to end. My husband and I rate movies on whether or not they're 'own worthy'...needless to say this one has not been inducted into the Stoneking cupboard of DVDs.
I tried to watch Milk. It was okay...Sean Penn is a fantastic actor (Dead Man Walking), but the movie was just missing something...like action. Frost/Nixon. Obviously, it was 'good enough' to be nominated, but I still haven't gotten around to watching it...or if I have, I've forgotten it. And last, but not least, The Reader. Um, is it really bad if I've never heard of it?
This year, the nominees for Best Motion Picture are:
Avatar - Haven't seen it, and while James Cameron is a fantastic director, I don't see the appeal of watching little blue alien-creatures fall in love. I think I watched the animated version of that when I was a kid...Smurfette had a lot of Smurfs pining for her stylish self (that one white dress was way sexy). But, I will watch Avatar (for my husband) when it comes out on DVD.
The Blind Side - Haven't seen this either. I hear Sandra Bullock gave a Speed-worthy performance...but seeing her with blonde hair gives me the same reaction (almost) as seeing the 'new' Meg Ryan. I can't sit through a movie with her in it now.
District 9 - HATED it. But, I sat through it for my husband. The things we do for love.
An Education - Had to Google it to figure out what it was. Looks like a glorified Lifetime Movie Network movie.
The Hurt Locker - Had potential. Great acting. but, for a war movie, there really was no action. Lots of gore. And it had a "No Country for Old Men" type of ending. Disappointed.
Inglourious Basterds - Thought it would be funnier. All the funny parts were in the promos. But, there was great acting and a cool story line.
Precious - Go Monique! Haven't seen it, but really want to.
A Serious Man - Another one I had to Google. The Cohen brothers rarely produce a complete flop. So, I'll have to give this movie a chance...even with no big names in sight.
Up - I can NOT believe this is nominated!! Might as well include Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. You centered a cartoon around death, depression and the belief that if you tie enough balloons to a house, it will drift off and take you away from all of your problems. Don't try this at home kids!
Up In the Air - Comedy. Great cast. Great director (directed Juno). Jason Bateman. George Clooney. Haven't seen it, but it's at the top of my list. Did I mention George Clooney?
My pick for this year's Best Motion Picture is...drum roll please...is Up In the Air. It's the least we can do to make up for Juno's 2008 loss!
For example, in 2008, a highly-acclaimed film won top notches over other highly-acclaimed films for Best Picture. I will go on the record to say that I did NOT like No Country for Old Men. To me, it dragged on (just like my face everytime Javier Bardem appeared on the screen). At the end, I recall looking at my husband going, really?!?! That's it? This slow-paced saga robbed me of more than 2 hours of my life...and THAT'S the ending? Of course, I didn't like There Will Be Blood either. Daniel Day Lewis? Awesome actor. The movie? Not so awesome. I never saw Atonement and Michael Clayton, while good, was not the best of George Clooney's work.
My opinion...while unsolicited and worth less than a 70 year-old hooker working Spring Break in Daytona Beach...is that Juno should have won. Nobody does deadpan better than Michael Cera - this generation's Bob Newhart. Ellen Page, brilliant protrayal of a knocked-up teenager. Jason Bateman. Well, there's no better reaction and facial expression than when he delivers the following:
"And this is Juno..."
"Oh, like the city in Alaska?" - Bateman
"No."
"No? Okay, shall we sit down and get to know one another?" - Bateman
It's been two years...so, I'm getting over the Academy Award loss.
Let's look at last year.
I actually did watch and love the 2009 winner for Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire. But, the other nominees? Not a big fan. While the book, Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons, was intriguing and the special effects of the movie were above mediocre...I just wanted the movie to end. My husband and I rate movies on whether or not they're 'own worthy'...needless to say this one has not been inducted into the Stoneking cupboard of DVDs.
I tried to watch Milk. It was okay...Sean Penn is a fantastic actor (Dead Man Walking), but the movie was just missing something...like action. Frost/Nixon. Obviously, it was 'good enough' to be nominated, but I still haven't gotten around to watching it...or if I have, I've forgotten it. And last, but not least, The Reader. Um, is it really bad if I've never heard of it?
This year, the nominees for Best Motion Picture are:
Avatar - Haven't seen it, and while James Cameron is a fantastic director, I don't see the appeal of watching little blue alien-creatures fall in love. I think I watched the animated version of that when I was a kid...Smurfette had a lot of Smurfs pining for her stylish self (that one white dress was way sexy). But, I will watch Avatar (for my husband) when it comes out on DVD.
The Blind Side - Haven't seen this either. I hear Sandra Bullock gave a Speed-worthy performance...but seeing her with blonde hair gives me the same reaction (almost) as seeing the 'new' Meg Ryan. I can't sit through a movie with her in it now.
District 9 - HATED it. But, I sat through it for my husband. The things we do for love.
An Education - Had to Google it to figure out what it was. Looks like a glorified Lifetime Movie Network movie.
The Hurt Locker - Had potential. Great acting. but, for a war movie, there really was no action. Lots of gore. And it had a "No Country for Old Men" type of ending. Disappointed.
Inglourious Basterds - Thought it would be funnier. All the funny parts were in the promos. But, there was great acting and a cool story line.
Precious - Go Monique! Haven't seen it, but really want to.
A Serious Man - Another one I had to Google. The Cohen brothers rarely produce a complete flop. So, I'll have to give this movie a chance...even with no big names in sight.
Up - I can NOT believe this is nominated!! Might as well include Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. You centered a cartoon around death, depression and the belief that if you tie enough balloons to a house, it will drift off and take you away from all of your problems. Don't try this at home kids!
Up In the Air - Comedy. Great cast. Great director (directed Juno). Jason Bateman. George Clooney. Haven't seen it, but it's at the top of my list. Did I mention George Clooney?
My pick for this year's Best Motion Picture is...drum roll please...is Up In the Air. It's the least we can do to make up for Juno's 2008 loss!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Where is Midas?
It is undeniable. I am the luckiest unlucky person in the world. I trip and break my shoulder. But, I'm fortunate to have working limbs. I take the dog to a routine checkup and she dies 8 hours later. But, I'm fortunate that she came to me in a dream and led us to a new kiddo (who I tripped over and broke my shoulder).
I go to the doctor to find out I have to have surgery. But, at least I'm able to afford it. I'm the black sheep of my family. But, at least I have a family. My husband and I have tried unsuccessfully to start a family of our own. But, we have each other and our two beautiful, four-legged kiddos.
There are times in life that it feels the world is against you. You work so hard to do right by society. Be an upstanding citizen. Treat others fairly. Be kind. Love. And when one more negative experience is thrown your way, you may want to question not only your world, but everyone else's world.
We learned from the first time our parents lectured us, that the world is not fair. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. The spoiled and selfish continue to reap benefits while the good guys suffer.
But as I look around at all of the Midas' in the world, I wonder how truly happy they are. You've got the Brittanys, Paris', even the Kurt Cobains that seem to have it all - fame, talent (well, Kurt anyway) and more money than they know what to do with. But they all have issues too. Psychotic episodes, stints in rehab or jail, and ultimately drug overdose.
It might be a case of everything is always greener on the other side of...life. I dream about winning the lottery - of course, you have to play to make that happen. But, then I learn about the Lottery Curse and how these multimillion dollar winners become depressed, even more greedy and end up killing their entire family or going in debt (which I never completely understood).
Right now I feel like Midas' illegitimate 4th cousin twice removed. Not one thing I've touched has turned to gold. But, my life is still golden.
I am fortunate to have a husband who loves me unconditionally. Two dogs who love me...partly on a conditional basis (food and walks). I have true friends who support me.
I have a roof over my head. A job that I love. Dinner on the table. Family members I can call on in a desperate time of need.
Midas can have his gold. How lonely must it be to have everyone that hugs you turn into a statue. My life might not be perfect...but it is golden!
I go to the doctor to find out I have to have surgery. But, at least I'm able to afford it. I'm the black sheep of my family. But, at least I have a family. My husband and I have tried unsuccessfully to start a family of our own. But, we have each other and our two beautiful, four-legged kiddos.
There are times in life that it feels the world is against you. You work so hard to do right by society. Be an upstanding citizen. Treat others fairly. Be kind. Love. And when one more negative experience is thrown your way, you may want to question not only your world, but everyone else's world.
We learned from the first time our parents lectured us, that the world is not fair. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. The spoiled and selfish continue to reap benefits while the good guys suffer.
But as I look around at all of the Midas' in the world, I wonder how truly happy they are. You've got the Brittanys, Paris', even the Kurt Cobains that seem to have it all - fame, talent (well, Kurt anyway) and more money than they know what to do with. But they all have issues too. Psychotic episodes, stints in rehab or jail, and ultimately drug overdose.
It might be a case of everything is always greener on the other side of...life. I dream about winning the lottery - of course, you have to play to make that happen. But, then I learn about the Lottery Curse and how these multimillion dollar winners become depressed, even more greedy and end up killing their entire family or going in debt (which I never completely understood).
Right now I feel like Midas' illegitimate 4th cousin twice removed. Not one thing I've touched has turned to gold. But, my life is still golden.
I am fortunate to have a husband who loves me unconditionally. Two dogs who love me...partly on a conditional basis (food and walks). I have true friends who support me.
I have a roof over my head. A job that I love. Dinner on the table. Family members I can call on in a desperate time of need.
Midas can have his gold. How lonely must it be to have everyone that hugs you turn into a statue. My life might not be perfect...but it is golden!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Thanks Punxsutawney Phil
I've never quite understood the symbolism behind Groundhog's Day. I mean, I understand that if a groundhog comes out of its hole and sees it's shadow, we're supposedly in for 40 more days of blissful winter. But, does yanking a beady-eyed rodent from its hibernation REALLY help predict future weathercasts?
And who picked a groundhog? I've read all the stories, folklores and fables. It's a tale originating in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania...in the SIXTH century. The story goes that Germans began trying to predict how long winter would continue based on the hibernation patterns of bears in the later part of winter. But, when certain Germans settled in Pennsylvania, they switched the mascot of the 40 days after Christmas from bears to groundhogs - which I learned hibernate too. Damn Germans!
Why the switch? Probably because yanking a bear from hibernation is a tad more life-threatening than tugging a glorified sewer rat from his hiding place.
But whether it's a bear or a groundhog, some don't like the ritual, calling it inhumane. In a statement made on Monday, a spokesperson for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's 'unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each February 2'. Their suggestion? Using an animatronic model.
I don't think PETA understands or cares about tradition. Unless you are a rodent worshiper and REALLY believe that Punxsutawney Phil predicts the weather, you HAVE to know that technology has changed since the 6th century. We have these individuals called meteorologists who make a living predicting the weather. They have maps, radar, cool gadgets that I don't even know the name of. (Of course there are some weather people in certain markets that probably DO rely on good 'ol Phil to do their job for them).
Groundhog's Day is a tradition. Something for us to celebrate - or complain about if, in fact, Phil predicts 40 more days of bitter cold. It's like Valentine's Day. (Anyone raising a stink over the treatment of candy hearts? Spending all year in hiding until they are able to be reshelved at local grocery stores?) Or Easter (Where's PETA for the Easter Bunny? Do they not have HIS back?). Or Christmas.
These are holidays based on tradition. There are a lot of conventions of disbeliefs in all holidays. But, do you want to be the spoil sport that ruins it for everyone else? This year, we didn't need any help from PETA to bring down the spirit of Groundhog's Day...Punxsutawney Phil did that all on his own.
Thanks for seeing your shadow Punx! My winter coat is really comfy!
And who picked a groundhog? I've read all the stories, folklores and fables. It's a tale originating in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania...in the SIXTH century. The story goes that Germans began trying to predict how long winter would continue based on the hibernation patterns of bears in the later part of winter. But, when certain Germans settled in Pennsylvania, they switched the mascot of the 40 days after Christmas from bears to groundhogs - which I learned hibernate too. Damn Germans!
Why the switch? Probably because yanking a bear from hibernation is a tad more life-threatening than tugging a glorified sewer rat from his hiding place.
But whether it's a bear or a groundhog, some don't like the ritual, calling it inhumane. In a statement made on Monday, a spokesperson for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's 'unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each February 2'. Their suggestion? Using an animatronic model.
I don't think PETA understands or cares about tradition. Unless you are a rodent worshiper and REALLY believe that Punxsutawney Phil predicts the weather, you HAVE to know that technology has changed since the 6th century. We have these individuals called meteorologists who make a living predicting the weather. They have maps, radar, cool gadgets that I don't even know the name of. (Of course there are some weather people in certain markets that probably DO rely on good 'ol Phil to do their job for them).
Groundhog's Day is a tradition. Something for us to celebrate - or complain about if, in fact, Phil predicts 40 more days of bitter cold. It's like Valentine's Day. (Anyone raising a stink over the treatment of candy hearts? Spending all year in hiding until they are able to be reshelved at local grocery stores?) Or Easter (Where's PETA for the Easter Bunny? Do they not have HIS back?). Or Christmas.
These are holidays based on tradition. There are a lot of conventions of disbeliefs in all holidays. But, do you want to be the spoil sport that ruins it for everyone else? This year, we didn't need any help from PETA to bring down the spirit of Groundhog's Day...Punxsutawney Phil did that all on his own.
Thanks for seeing your shadow Punx! My winter coat is really comfy!
Monday, February 1, 2010
You've Got to Be Kidding Me...Toyota!
Remember when Toyota commercials would feature average, everyday Joe six-packs getting in to or out of their brand new Toyota? The slogan was, "I love what you do for me...Toyota!" Then the way-too-limber-for-an-average-Midwest-Toyota-owner, would jump up in slow motion while attempting to reach the sky.
Toyota's slogan has changed over the years, and now with the faulty gas pedals and death on their hands...some of them seem downright ironic.
1) The Car in Front is a Toyota - probably because the gas pedal was stuck and the driver couldn't slow down or stop.
2) I Love What You Do for Me...Toyota! There's nothing like the thrill of driving through the open roads, wind in the hair...and the inability to stop when the car in front of me breaks. Instant trauma and soiled pants...really love it Toyota.
3) Get the Feeling. Toyota. I'm sure there are many people that got the feeling, Toyota...to sue you. And I've got a feeling, Toyota...that it will take a lot more than a statement from the CEO to do right by Toyota owners.
4) Your New Experience of Motoring. True. I've never experienced the fear of impending death by simply getting in my car to go to the grocery store.
5) The Best Built Cars in the World. The world is screwed. I believe the Kia Sorrento is up for that title next year.
6) Toyota. Moving Forward. Perhaps the executives at Toyota were foreshadowing when they came up with this tagline 5 years ago. Of course they're moving forward...and they're going to continue at a high speed unless someone fixes their gas pedals.
The Toyota Motor Corporation has definitely gotten itself into a pickle. Sticky gas pedals are not just a PR nightmare for the auto conglomerate. They are a nuisance to millions of Toyota drivers and a tragedy for the family and friends of those whose lives were ended short because of the pedal oversight.
More than 2.3 million Toyota cars and trucks have been recalled in the United States. In Japan, 5.4 million vehicles were recalled to prevent pedals from getting trapped by floor mats. Some question how long Toyota knew of the potential risks and threats. Many speculate that executives at Toyota have known for a year that there were safety concerns regarding certain gas pedals and the manufacturer.
Toyota President Akio Toyoda has apologized for the widening defects crisis and assures consumers that a fix is on its way. “I am deeply sorry that we’re giving cause for concern to customers,” Toyoda said in an interview with Japan’s NHK television network in Davos, Switzerland, posted to US broadcaster ABC News’ website. “I’d like people to believe we’re taking this step to further assure them."
President Toyoda, perhaps you should once again change your tagline: Get the Feeling. Regret. Toyota.
Toyota's slogan has changed over the years, and now with the faulty gas pedals and death on their hands...some of them seem downright ironic.
1) The Car in Front is a Toyota - probably because the gas pedal was stuck and the driver couldn't slow down or stop.
2) I Love What You Do for Me...Toyota! There's nothing like the thrill of driving through the open roads, wind in the hair...and the inability to stop when the car in front of me breaks. Instant trauma and soiled pants...really love it Toyota.
3) Get the Feeling. Toyota. I'm sure there are many people that got the feeling, Toyota...to sue you. And I've got a feeling, Toyota...that it will take a lot more than a statement from the CEO to do right by Toyota owners.
4) Your New Experience of Motoring. True. I've never experienced the fear of impending death by simply getting in my car to go to the grocery store.
5) The Best Built Cars in the World. The world is screwed. I believe the Kia Sorrento is up for that title next year.
6) Toyota. Moving Forward. Perhaps the executives at Toyota were foreshadowing when they came up with this tagline 5 years ago. Of course they're moving forward...and they're going to continue at a high speed unless someone fixes their gas pedals.
The Toyota Motor Corporation has definitely gotten itself into a pickle. Sticky gas pedals are not just a PR nightmare for the auto conglomerate. They are a nuisance to millions of Toyota drivers and a tragedy for the family and friends of those whose lives were ended short because of the pedal oversight.
More than 2.3 million Toyota cars and trucks have been recalled in the United States. In Japan, 5.4 million vehicles were recalled to prevent pedals from getting trapped by floor mats. Some question how long Toyota knew of the potential risks and threats. Many speculate that executives at Toyota have known for a year that there were safety concerns regarding certain gas pedals and the manufacturer.
Toyota President Akio Toyoda has apologized for the widening defects crisis and assures consumers that a fix is on its way. “I am deeply sorry that we’re giving cause for concern to customers,” Toyoda said in an interview with Japan’s NHK television network in Davos, Switzerland, posted to US broadcaster ABC News’ website. “I’d like people to believe we’re taking this step to further assure them."
President Toyoda, perhaps you should once again change your tagline: Get the Feeling. Regret. Toyota.
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