Last week, I made the 12-hour trek to Kansas City to visit my family. And to stick with the Stoneking tradition, I stopped overnight in Indianapolis. No, there were no Applebee's adventures, no '80s flashback or hotels 10 miles off the beaten path.
I decided to try Priceline and got a great deal on a hotel. $45 for a 2 1/2 star or above abode. No telling what the place actually looked like or where it was located. God knows I've had my share of 'nice' hotels and 'bad' experiences.
But, when I finally found the place (I believe I circled 69S a couple of times before finding the exit. I hate Mapquest) I was thrilled to see that it was a Hilton. While a part of me cringed at the thought of further contributing to the Hilton sisters' inheritance, I knew that the hotel would be nice. And the location wasn't too bad either.
When I got in, it was way past dinner time and I was starving. I ran my stuff up to my room (beautiful)and headed out to get grub. Since I'm deathly allergic to a lot of things, I typically stop at a grocery store to get veggies and snacks - and I save money - win, win.
I asked the concierge (yes, there was a real concierge) where the nearest store was and lo and behold there were TWO supercenters about a block away. Since I had to cross the highway, I decided to take my car. I would normally walk in these circumstances, but I was tired and didn't feel like playing Frogger in real life.
When I went the full block I noticed a WalMart on my left and a Meijer on my right. However would I decide which one to go to? Since in my former life there was a WalMart on every other street corner, I decided to go to Meijer and see if it was any better than the white trash magnet near my house.
The neighborhood was really nice. It was just a block away from the Hilton from Christ's sake. Millionaires have to go grocery shopping too, right? Maybe the Indianapolis elite congregate at this Meijer like Paris Hilton congregates at any and all hoity toity clubs.
Not so much.
The layout was the same.
The people were the same.
At 8:30 on a Thursday night, there were overweight, bleached-blonde hair (with dark brown roots), women in spandex screaming at their 2 year olds (who probably should have been in bed). There were ragged men with missing teeth, farmers hats, plumber's butts and bellies that looked as though they were expecting.
The attitudes were the same. Nobody was in a hurry.
There should be blinkers attached to shoppers. Move out of the freakin' way so that those who are not distracted by their own screaming and shoving can get their shopping done. And if you don't know how to work the self checkout...DON'T use it. And I swear all Meijer employees come from the same family tree - the one with one branch and one branch only.
I grabbed my stuff, hightailed it out of there and could not wait to sit in the lap of luxury - my very own Hilton hotel room. I entered the lobby, swaggered past the expensive hotel restaurant, casually pressed the elevator button up to the 4th floor and smoothly maneuvered my key out of my wallet and proceeded into the cool room.
I got my laptop out, thinking I would write my blog, and was sadly disappointed that the Hilton wanted to charge me $9.95 for an internet connection. Really?!? Even Motel 6 has free wifi. I guess that's how the Hilton's continue to make their billions.
That's okay. I sat back on the plush bed, with its down comforter and boatload of pillows and figured I'd just read my book with the television on in the background. I ate. I read. I froze my ass off.
The air conditioner was stuck on 60 and I could NOT get the damn thing to turn off. I tried to turn the thermostat up. It just kept blinking then went back to 60. I tried to turn it off. It made a buzzing noise and then went back to 60. Since it is the dead of summer and I didn't pack any long johns or sweatshirts, I took the towels from the bathroom and draped them over my shoulders. I hunkered down under the covers only to realize that the comforter was really the only cover. There was a sheet. ONE single, solitary sheet.
I finally dozed off and woke up to my internal alarm clock (surprised that it, too, wasn't frozen). I could not wait to get on the road. I took a hot shower and could swear I felt a cold coming on. I felt like crap and it's all the Hiltons' fault. I wonder if my case would hold up in court.
"Your Honor, I got a $185 a night room for $45 on Priceline...and the air conditioner didn't work."
"Did you call the front desk?"
"Uh, well, no."
Perhaps my fingers were too frozen to dial.
Yet another great adventure in the booming metropolis of Indianapolis. I literally went from a Paris Hilton BFF to Larry the Cable Guy's neighbor in one night. You're welcome Paris and Nicky for contributing to your party fund.
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